Friday, Mar 12, 2010
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So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him four slices of bread. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks. "It was good, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.
So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him eight slices of bread. "How was your meal today, sir?" the manager asks. "Good, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.
So . . . the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him a whole loaf of bread with his soup! "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks, when he comes to pay.
"It was good, but you could give just a little more bread," comes the reply once again.
The manager is now obsessed with seeing this customer say that he is satisfied with his meal, so he goes to the bakery, and orders a six-foot-long loaf of bread. When the man comes in as usual the next day, the waitress and the manager cut the loaf in half, butter the entire length of each half, and lay it out along the counter, right next to his bowl of soup. The old man sits down, and devours both his bowl of soup, and both halves of the six-foot-long loaf of bread.
The manager now thinks he will get the answer he is looking for, and when the old man comes up to pay for his meal, the manager asks in the usual way: "How was your meal TODAY, sir?"
The old man replies: "It was good as usual, but I see you are back to giving only two slices of bread!"
Businessman
A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody -- it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.
When he had finished, the priest said, "Here's what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."
A year later the businessman went back to the priest and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket, gave it to the priest as a donation in thanks for his advice.
The priest recognized the benefactor, and was curious. "You did as I suggested?" he asked.
"Absolutely," replied the businessman.
"You went to the beach?"
"Absolutely."
"You sat in a beach chair with the Bible in your lap?"
"Absolutely."
"You let the pages rifle until they stopped?"
"Absolutely."
"And what were the first words you saw?"
"Chapter 11."
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A rich man went to his vicar and said, "I want you and your wife to
take a three-month trip to the Holy Land at my expense. When you
come
back, I'll have a surprise for you". The vicar accepted the offer,
and he and his wife went off to the Middle East.
Three months later they returned home and were met by the wealthy
parishioner, who told them that while they were gone, he had had a
new church built. "It's the finest building money can buy, vicar,"
said the man. "No expense was spared." And he was right. It was a
magnificent edifice both outside and in.
But there was one striking difference. There was only one pew, and
it
was at the very back. "A church with only one pew?" asked the vicar.
"You just wait until Sunday," the rich man said.
When the time came for the Sunday service, the early arrivals
entered
the church, filed onto the one pew and sat down. When the pew was
full, a switch clicked silently, a circuit closed, the gears meshed,
a belt moved and, automatically, the rear pew began to move forward.
When it reached the front of the church, it came to a stop. At the
same time, another empty pew came up from below at the back and more
people sat down. And so it continued, pews filling and moving
forwards until finally the church was full, from front to back.
"Wonderful!" said the vicar, "Marvelous!"
The service began, and the vicar started to preach his sermon. He
launched into his text and, when 12 o'clock came, he was still going
strong, with no end in sight. Suddenly a bell rang, and a trap door
in the floor behind the pulpit dropped open.
"Wonderful!" said the congregation, "Marvelous!"
Bedroom Golf
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally
one club and two balls.
2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole
and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play
begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
6. Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until
the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result
in being denied permission to play again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire
the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds
and bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being
played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment
for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.
10. Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at
all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate
means of play when this is the case.
11. Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled
particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous
players have been known to become irate if they discover someone
else is playing what they considered a private course.
12. The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any
bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.
13. Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before
attempting to play the backside.
14. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.
15. It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to
play the same hole several times in one match.
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
I was going away for a few days and left my husband a list of chores. For fun, I put down as Item 5: Think about your wife a lot.
After I returned, my husband proudly reported that he had completed every job. When I saw the list, however, each item except No. 5 had been crossed off.
"What's this!" I exclaimed. "Didn't you think about me at all while I was gone?"
My chagrin vanished when he replied cheerfully. . .
"Hon... I started to, but just never finished."
Trivia
A barmaid reportedly decorated her establishment with the tail feathers of cocks. One day a patron asked for "one of those cock tails." She served him a drink with a feather in it.
Hawaii's Mauna Kea is the largest mountain on Earth: although partially submerged, it is 4,000 feet taller than Mount Everest.
When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home to a sellout crowd, the full stadium becomes the state's third largest city.
The purpose of the indentation at the bottom of a wine bottle is to strengthen the structure of the bottle and to trap the sediments in the wine.
If done perfectly, any Rubik's Cube combination can be solved in 17 turns.
When a fly lands on the ceiling, it grabs on with its front legs and swings the rest of itself up. Therefore it performs a loop, or flip, not a roll, as is commonly believed.
There are tiny holes around the cap of soda bottle to enable the pressure to release when unscrewed. Without them, every bottle would explode open like a champagne bottle.
In Los Angeles in 1994, cars off the assembly line actually output cleaner air than they took in due to the carbon dioxide content in the atmosphere and the ease at which cars burned it.
The kids song 'Ring-a(round the)-Ring-a-Roses', believe it or not, refers to the plague, which claimed approximately 30 million lives in the 1300s.
Coca-Cola's brand name comes from the leaves of the coca plant and the nuts of the kola employed for distinctive flavoring. The beverage's maker, John Pemberton, switched the 'K' of kola to 'C' for marketing purposes.
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